i think i might be homesick

But it’s manifesting itself in weird ways. At the beginning of the program they gave us this graph that supposedly charts the emotional “curve” that students go through on study abroad programs. According to the graph, the 5th and 6th weeks are the hardest and the lowest, during which people tend to feel “irritable and hostile”. Considering what I said about hating everyone here in my last post, I guess maybe that graph might be somewhat accurate, eh?

It’s weird, but since I’ve been here I’ve been missing new york SO MUCH. I’ve been trying to figure out why, and it finally hit me last night – I miss the total anonymity that I had in new york. Not only because I was white (though I’m sure that’s a big part of it), but also because I was on my own and not tied down to a huge group, I was accountable only to myself, I could walk down the street without being constantly hyper-aware of myself and my body and my difference. I could go a whole day without ever interacting with or being noticed by anyone, whereas here, surviving requires constant reliance on other people. And, of course, I miss the predictability and reliability of it – especially of the public transportation system. I’m not saying either place is better or worse, I’m just saying, when I get homesick and/or overwhelmed with the chaos and unpredictability of life here, I miss new york.

ALSO. I MISS COFFEE SHOPS. I think that’s what I miss most (place-wise, not people-wise, OBVS). God I miss coffee shops. I miss gaymarket and woodstar and cd, and I’m just about at the point where I’d settle for a starbucks (I’m sorry, j). there are a few coffee shops here, but they’re in the opposite direction from where I live and they’re MUZUNGU CENTRAL. [btw: if you’ve read the post on the “stuff white people like” blog about how white people HATE seeing other white people in foreign settings/situations where you wouldn’t expect to see a white person, IT’S SO TRUE. White people will rarely even make eye contact with other white people when they/we pass each other on the street. SO AWK.]

if i get a chance to post tomorrow, it's going to be JUICY.