i am a muzungu...

....meaning, when i walk down the street, i am constantly followed by cries of "muzungu! muzungu!" "muzungu" means white person (the subtext of which is rich person) or, essentially, anyone who is different in some way (whether through skin color, income, education, etc). our academic directors have explained (and you can see in the faces of most of the people who say it) that it is not (usually) meant in a mean or taunting way, it's merely meant to point out difference.

knowing that doesn't make it any easier, though.

from the moment i leave my hotel room in the morning, the knowledge of my difference, of how much i stand out, of the fact that everyone is staring at me as i walk down the street, never leaves my mind. no matter how much i get used to this place, i will always have that difference separating me from everyone and everything. it's exhausting, but i know that it's good for me. of course i've long been aware of my white privilege, of the fact that my skin color makes my life different than it otherwise would be. but here, i'm really forced to feel it and live it, to realize that for my entire life, i've very rarely had to think about how i'm going to be received based on the color of my skin. i was talking to another girl on the trip, and she said that sometimes she almost forgets that she's white because she feels so comfortable here. first of all, i call bull s***, because we've been here for less than a week and there's no way that's true. and second of all, if she actually does feel that or does come to feel that at some point, i cannot empathize with her, because i never forget my skin color and how it instantly marks me as different. i don't know which of us is right, or even if it's an issue of right and wrong. i think it's a good thing to be aware of difference, because it allows us to see how and why our lives are so different, but i suppose if my awareness of and anxiety about that difference prevents me from really getting comfortable here, that could be bad.

i suppose we'll see.

i meet my homestay family today, at 2 pm! i'm SO NERVOUS, but excited. apparently i have 4 siblings -- 3 brothers and 1 sister; 1 is between the ages of 13-16, 2 are between 16 and 18, and 1 is 18 and over. (and snichols, it's not the family your friend had because they've never hosted an s.i.t. student before). i'll let you know how it goes!

one last thing that i really wanted to include: there's a girl here who goes to wellesley and brought only j.crew and ralph lauren clothes. that's all i have to say about that.

love you all!!